Character, Conduct, and Calling

Have you ever scraped the top of your foot as a child? Maybe you were playing outside on your bike, scooter, or simply took a spill, and the top part of your foot, bare skin, just got chewed up on the cement? If you have had this experience, you understand that the only way to clean it was to scrub it out. When this happened, it stung. It hurt more than a simple wash because the cleaning had to be deep, penetrating the hidden dirt so that infection would not set in. This is what we need to do with this article, and let’s be honest, it will sting. It will sting because we will deal with specific characteristic traits many pastors carry, and yet those very traits may be ignored or accepted, but could actually be a sign they should pull back from their preaching and ministry schedules.

Why? It is pretty simple. Often, when addressing biblical manhood, specifically in areas of leadership, we speak about courage, strength, provision, protection, and other aspects of elder qualifications, but what about the everyday things? How does the man keep his appointments? Does he return calls or emails? When a promise is made, is it fulfilled? Does he take time for other men, brothers in ministry? Perhaps an important one: can others depend on his word? A man’s character is not simply what he demonstrates when others are around, or through a public image, but through faithfully handling the ordinary responsibilities entrusted to him. In a ministry context, there are men who want to be regarded as leaders, teachers, preachers, and the next influential voice on the social media circuit, all the while displaying deficiencies in their ordinary relationships that, upon honest assessment, raise legitimate questions about their character. Let us look at a few of these.

1.        Always Late Andy

We all know that one person who is always late for a meeting. The meeting is at 10 am. You set your schedule and ensure you conclude your business, travel, and arrive at 950am. Then the text message comes in: “Sorry, running late, be there shortly.” You knew it would happen; you hoped you were wrong this time, but were once again disappointed. Here is the thing: being late is not merely a scheduling problem. Granted, occasional lateness- such as emergencies, life issues, children, or traffic is understandable, but for always-late Andy, it is habitual lateness.

The habitual lateness of a man communicates something far more than words could, regardless of intention. What does it convey? “My Schedule is more important than yours.”  The always-late Andy has become comfortable with expecting others to accommodate his schedule while showing little effort to accommodate others. Now, time is a resource, and it should be stewarded rightly. The main point here is that other people’s time is valuable; keeping appointments demonstrates consideration for others’ time, and being punctual shows that an individual is prepared and reliable. Pastorally speaking, if a man believes other people’s time is less valuable than his own, what is that pastor conveying to others whom he is to serve, or walk side by side with?  Andy conveys much with habitual lateness and lack of stewardship in many ways. Perhaps it all comes down to the golden rule: "do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

Read Ephesians 5:15-16, Colossians 4:5,

2.        Rarely Reliable Randy

This is the person whose word cannot be relied upon. Now, granted, in ministry there is no sure way to prevent such a thing from time to time. Pastoral schedules are fluid and can change at any time. A call to the hospital, a grieving family, church matters all require flexibility. However, the rarely reliable Randy has a habit of letting people down consistently. We all know a person like this. “I will call you” at such-and-such a time, yet the call never comes. “I’ll email that out to you,” yet no email will arrive. The next two should hit home. Pastors, preachers, and ministry leaders understand the frustration more than anyone else, yet expect a get-out-of-jail-free card when they habitually walk in them. What are they? “I’ll take care of it," and the task is never completed; worse, “I’ll finish it,” only to be discovered down the road that it has not been touched.

Now, here is the thing about Randy: the failure itself is not the issue; the pattern is. Many men excuse this sort of pattern in their lives and ministry as busy. Remember, a man’s word must mean something; otherwise, when they speak and proclaims the gospel, is the message they are preaching reliable? Manhood is connected to integrity and truth. There is a large issue with rarely reliable Randy; like the scheduling issue, their broken commitments now become your burden to carry. The cost is paid by those who have been offended. It is time-consuming to chase people down, constantly remind a person, resend messages, have another call, finish the work, and adjust their schedules. We need to be reliable in ministry, as we express Christ's reliability and care towards others.

Read Proverbs 25:19, Ecclesiastes 5:4-5, Matthew 5:37

3.        Unprepared Peter.

Nothing says your time is not valued more than meeting unprepared Peter. A meeting is needed, so an agenda is prepared and a time frame to discuss matters is set. Yet Peter shows up unfamiliar with the agenda or the required input. Regardless of the articulated intention, what is conveyed is, “I have more important things to handle than this.” The problem is not intelligence here; like the others, it is stewardship. Peter needs to learn that valuing others is an opportunity to serve with excellence. It is an expression of loving others and, in doing so, reveals that they value others' time. The conversation matters; the goals matter. This section does not need to be long; it needs to be direct. Any man who does not prepare is a man who may reveal that he treats ministry on impulse and intuition rather than through prayer and planning.

Read Proverbs 21:5, Luke 14:28-33

4.        My Plate is Full Frank

It is here that I make a caution to pastors and ministry leaders. When another pastor reaches out to connect, be careful not to act like Frank and use “my plate is full” as your default response. Granted, there are legitimate reasons this is true. It may surprise some, but pastors are busy outside Sundays too. Aside from ministry, they are family men, and balance is needed. The problem behind Frank is that a person is always too busy to build relationships with other brothers in ministry. This is a bad place to be, and we may want to examine whether that busyness has inflated one's view of self-importance. No pastor is so important that they cannot make room for other men.

May I interfere? Is this you? Let me now be direct! You are not that busy!” Now that you have read that, and thought about some excuses, let me express this: “I do not care; you are not so busy that you cannot make room for others.” And, in case what is between the lines was not conveyed, let us call it out: “You are not that important either.”

Look, I get it! As a pastor of an urban church, an overseer of a rural church plant. Called to preach multiple services, visiting and engaging with two communities, renovating a home and another church, and completing my doctoral work, I am beyond busy. However, I still make time and proactively reach out to others. Not because I am awesome, not at all. I need that time to work, write, study, be with family, and meet all the other pressing ministry needs, but that hour for a coffee is vital, as no pastor can do this alone. Ministry must not and cannot be lived in isolation. Frank often is a man for whom busyness is their identity and label of self-importance. No matter how nicely Frank expresses how full his plate is, what is received is, “I don’t have time for you.”

Regardless of the crowded calendar, it may also reveal who they consider making room for, which could reveal partiality. The question for Frank is: Was Jesus too busy? Answer carefully. Jesus was very busy. Pressed from every side by benevolence, teaching, compassion, and preaching, yet He stopped. Jesus. Listened, ate with people, discipled twelve men, and so much more.

Besides all these things, when it comes to pastoral health, men need other men for encouragement, accountability, discipleship, friendship, bearing one another’s burdens, praying together, and much more.

Read Ecclesiastes 3, Luke 10:38-42, Luke 15:1-32

Within every Christian church, within every para-church organization, serving as pastors, elders, leaders, Andy, Randy, Peter, and Frank show up. There is always forgiveness for lateness, busyness, lack of preparation, and even letting people down from time to time. However, public ministry cannot be separated from personal character.

Read 1 Timothy 3, Titus 1, 1 Peter 5

We all have work to do, but those lists all need to be addressed, not cherry-picked. The issue with Andy, Randy, Peter, and Frank is their habitual patterns, which reflect poorly on them. Men must learn that giftedness is not the same as qualification. Just because a man is likable, a good communicator, compelling, knowledgeable, or even an impressive leader does not excuse character deficiencies. Now for the last question,

Should Andy, Randy, Peter, or Frank be given the Pulpit?

This article is not about inserting a prohibition or showing a lack of grace as a blanket statement. It is not one-size-fits-all when such a question is asked. Maybe the question(s) then should be asked this way.

• Is the man in the pulpit reliable (does he keep their commitments)?

• Is the man truthful (Does he actually mean yes or no)?

• Is he considerate (respects others’ time)?

• Is he relational (does he make time for others)?

• Here is an important one: Is he teachable? Does he receive correction and accountability when these or other patterns are pointed out to him?

Again, we do not want to micromanage the occasional weakness; we deal with the established habitual pattern of conduct, and the reality is a man cannot credibly preach faithfulness while cultivating a reputation of unreliability.  I get it, we all run late, forget, drop the ball, fail, so this article is not calling for perfection, but at the same time we must call out a lack of repentance. It is never, “this is just who I am,” and it is always, “I failed you, I am sorry, and I intend to do better as a believer.” The first is the excuse; the second is humility.

At the church I pastor, we have removed preaching opportunities when habitual patterns are revealed. Not because we do not fail; we do; it is so that we can love, build, mentor, and restore men who habitually show the character of Andy, Randy, Peter, Frank, and others. We always extend grace upon grace. We want repentance and restoration, not damaged relationships, in addressing these issues. If you recognize yourself in the men mentioned, don’t be discouraged or defensive. Bring it to the light, because there is grace for growth. As a pastor, I would be honored to walk alongside those who need help so that we remain faithful, dependable, and godly men Christ wants us to be.

In it together,

P/Steve